number|advice
11900|You cannot just paste code with no understanding of what is going on and expect it to work.
11901|You can't just make shit up and expect the computer to know what you mean, Retardo!
11902|You said it didn't work, but you didn't say what it would have done if it *had* worked.
11903|What are you really trying to accomplish here?
11904|Who the fuck cares which one is faster?
11905|Now is the time in our program where you look at the manual.
11906|Look at the error message!  Look at the error message!
11907|Looking for a compiler bug is the strategy of LAST resort.  LAST resort.
11908|Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
11909|Bad programmer!  No cookie!
11910|I see you omitted $! from the error message.   It won't tell you what went wrong if you don't ask it to.
11911|You wrote the same thing twice here.  The cardinal rule of programming is that you never ever write the same thing twice.
11912|Evidently it's important to you to get the wrong answer as quickly as possible.
11913|Gee, I don't know.  I wonder what the manual says about that?
11914|Well, no duh.  That's because you ignored the error message, dimwit.
11915|Only Sherlock Holmes can debug the program by pure deduction from the output.  You are not Sherlock Holmes.  Run the fucking debugger already.
11916|Always ignore the second error message unless the meaning is obvious.
11917|Read.  Learn.  Evolve.
11918|Well, then get one that *does* do auto-indent.  You can't do good work with bad tools.
11919|No.  You must believe the ERROR MESSAGE.  You MUST believe the error message.
11920|The error message is the Truth.  The error message is God.  
11921|It could be anything.  Too bad you didn't bother to diagnose the error, huh?
11922|You don't suppress error messages, you dumbass, you PAY ATTENTION and try to understand them.
11923|Never catch a signal except as a last resort.
11924|Well, if you don't know what it does, why did you put it in your program?
11925|Gosh, that wasn't very bright, was it?
11926|That's like taking a crap on someone's doorstep and then ringing the doorbell to ask for toilet paper.
11927|A good approach to that problem would be to hire a computer programmer.
11928|First get a book on programming.  Then read it.  Then write the program.
11929|First ask yourself `How would I do this without a computer?'  Then have the computer do it the same way.
11930|Would you like to see my rate card?
11931|I think you are asking the wrong question here.
11932|Holy cow.
11933|Because it's a syntax error.
11934|Because this is Perl, not C.
11935|Because this is Perl, not Lisp.
11936|Because that's the way it is.
11937|Because.
11938|If you have `some weird error', the problem is probably with your frobnitzer.
11939|Because the computer cannot read your mind.  Guess what?  I cannot read your mind *either*.
11940|You said `It doesn't work'.  The next violation will be punished by death.
11941|Of course it doesn't work!  That's because you don't know what you are doing!
11942|Sure, but you have to have some understanding also.
11943|Ah yes, and you are the first person to have noticed this bug since 1987.  Sure.
11944|Yes, that's what it's supposed to do when you say that.
11945|Well, what did you expect?
11946|Perhaps you have forgotten that this is an engineering discipline, not some sort of black magic.
11947|You know, this sort of thing is amenable to experimental observation.
11948|Perhaps your veeblefitzer is clogged.
11949|What happens when you try?
11950|Now you are just being superstitious.  
11951|Your question has exceeded the system limit for pronouns in a single sentence.  Please dereference and try again.
11952|In my experience that is a bad strategy, because the people who ask such questions are the ones who paste the answer into their program without understanding it and then complain that it `does not work'.
11953|Of course, this is a heuristic, which is a fancy way of saying that it doesn't work. 
11954|If your function is written correctly, it will handle an empty array the same way as a nonempty array.
11955|When in doubt, use brute force.
11956|Well, it might be more intuitive that way, but it would also be useless.
11957|Show the code.
11958|The bug is in you, not in Perl.
11959|Cargo-cult.
11960|So you threw in some random punctuation for no particular reason, and then you didn't get the result you expected.  Hmmmm.
11961|How should I know what is wrong when I haven't even seen the code?  I am not clairvoyant.
11962|How should I know how to do what you want when you didn't say what you wanted to do?
11963|It's easy to get the *wrong* answer in O(1) time.
11964|I guess this just goes to show that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it.
11999|You are a stupid asshole.  Shut the fuck up.